Specialist adventure magazine Ordeal Homes is to feature Seaford’s new beach huts in its next edition. Unusually for a publication that runs stories on makeshift rigs in tree canopies, wooden Arctic huts, underground bunkers, Mongolian yurts and bedouin desert tents, the periodical has identified the windblown Sussex town’s beachside cabins as ‘suitably challenging accommodation’.
Located on a wide concrete walkway at the foot of a high concrete wall facing due southwest, the tough plastic sheds are certain to attract interest from seasoned adventurers who enjoy harsh weather conditions and free parking.
Marjorie Pearson, of local estate agent Dofuckle Forker Mitian said: “These huts are 100% ideal for the specialist niche market of parent-funded privately educated thrill-seeker. While being priced at around a thousand pounds for each day of the year when being in them will be a benign and pleasant experience, the other 320 days will provide ideal conditions for those who like to place themselves at the mercy of the weather”.
“They face directly into the teeth of the southwesterlies that pound the coast for much of the year. With the warming atmosphere and ocean providing ever more powerful storms and rising sea levels, Seaford offers regular opportunities to get pummelled by strong winds, laden with the added bonus of an exhilarating, eyeball-stinging salty spray that corrodes your car while you shelter in a small plastic box on the concrete below”.
What’s more, during the height of Summer the heat reflecting off the concrete walls and walkways will enable you to take on the role of Steve McQueen in the Great Escape ‘cooler’ or Alec Guinness’ in the sweatbox in Bridge on the River Kwai, as temperatures range from slightly uncomfortable to downright intolerable.
Potential buyer Rupert Limpley-Fuchs, 20, said: I’ve been wondering how to spend the money my parents set aside for my gap year and this is definitely a possible alternative to chasing tornados or hurricane watching.
One passing dog walker added: “He’s not wrong. When the wind gets up here, and it does a lot, it can take the pubes off a monkey’s scrotum”.
In Spring, the huts offer additional experience of replicating living in a quarry, as huge trucks moving millions of tonnes of shingle displaced by stormy winter seas pass within a few yards.
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